I rode my bike into a pothole and flipped over my handlebars. That's bad.

But I landed without hurting myself. That's good.

But I bent my bike out of shape and had to leave it locked up outside the Burrito House. That's bad.

But when I returned to pick up my bike, someone had left a box of halloween candy for me. That's Chaotic Good.

"[In] the upcoming 'Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2' game, Stan Lee will be an unlockable player character."

Lifted from the Afterlife rehearsal. Weston and Wes are different dudes. Weston plays the washboard percussion, which is why we're discussing it in the first place.

Weston: I don't know what I'm going to do, people. My washboard is gone!
Kate: I have a spare. When I opened my storage space, the only thing in there was a washboard left by the previous tenant.
Wes: The same thing happened to me, except it was a pair of nunchucks.
Thomas: Wait, you just find random weapons when you open things?
Wes: Yes.
Thomas: Do you live in a video game?
Wes: I might. Maybe if I open a trash can, I'll find live-giving pizza or first aid kits.
Thomas: Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President?

While Chicago is probably the worst "Big City" for local music, there's a ScroogeMcDuckload of cash available for cover bands out in the West Suburbs. For this reason, I am always talking about forming a cover band of one sort of another (90's college rock cover band, Talking Heads tribute act, Weezer cover band with non-traditional instrumentation).

Unfortunately, it's all bluff and no stuff. I have little enough time to divide between the two bands I'm already in, and though they might not be fiscally sound, each band has a distinct vision, and to try and shape one of them into a generic cover band would compromise what the group is trying to achieve.*

Thus, My Talking Heads tribute act remains the most distant of all four stars. It's out there somewhere, but all it does is shine. And silently fart.

One of the most frustrating things about my last band was that we could never assemble a full lineup for a live show. Throughout Liam's five years, we had ONE show with four people on stage. As someone who sees performing live as the main reason to be in a band, with all other features being something like pre-installed software I forget I even have, this was endlessly frustrating.

I currently play with the Afterlife, boasting somewhere between 5 and 50 members, so that's a step in the right direction. They also play live gigs with some frequency, so that's another plus. But I'm also writing songs that don't really work for the very particular world of the Afterlife, so I'm trying to assemble a four-piece for power pop magnificence. Our roster consists of myself on bass, Ryan (previously of Liam) playing drums, and in_articulation on lead guitar. I-A has been a godsend. He wears his modesty like it's an integral part of his facial hair, but Ryan quickly scooped him up to play guitar for Split, so it is now clearly evident that I-A is a guitar felon, and perfection is the crime.

We still need a fourth person, and a demo, and a name. Please keep the suggestions coming.

Please name:

1. My new band.
2. My new Talking Heads tribute side project. (In a better world, it'd be called Radiohead.)
3. My new podcast.
4. My new comic book/strip.

P.S. One of these is not remotely real. The rest all have the chance to be.

I just realized the last two entries, spaced four months apart in real time but next to each other on this page, read suspiciously alike. So to break up the monotony, three great things:

1. Lockjaw and the Pet Avengers - The phrase "Pet Avengers" should be all you need to know. They are animals with super powers. Together they fight crime. I'm not sure what the Frog of Thunder is doing there, as he was a transformed thunder god and not a proper animal. This might be a new Frog of Thunder.


2. Doug Sayers - Sir can juggle.

3. This joke, courtesy of the AV Club - "Ever notice how your dog never tells you to kill when other people are around?"

Now I'm really going. Back in a few weeks.

Okay, so I can safely say that the year got off to an awful start. I think the worst of it is over, now that Liam has gone from "inactive" to "nonexistant." I'll be back June 1st.

So by and large, this winter break has been pretty shitty. There have been a couple bright spots, but I'm hoping for a break in the clouds.

In what might the sun peeking through, I had dinner with idsmackhim and I got to see Liz Bagby at the Elbo Room. She was opening for a band that could be (and was) compared to a cross between Pink Floyd and Panic at the Disco. During their performance, I noticed Liz's awesome handbag. It was red and gleamed like vinyl in the dark club.

Rock stars of the world take note: If a straight guy notices a woman's purse while you are playing fifteen feet away, you would do well to break out the Billy Joel cover.

My grandfather passed away this evening. He was eighty-nine. He served on an aircraft carrier during the second world war. He ran a manufacturing company for forty-plus years. He had twelve children, thirty grandchildren, and twelve great-grandchildren. He outlived his wife and three of his children.
Although we have been the same height for a good ten years, he will always be twice my size.

Inspired by monus' facebook post of "Cheney's Toy," I'm compiling a mix of Bush songs to
play out his wretched and (thankfully) impotent final days as president. In a curious setback, I've discovered that songs about terrible presidents tend to be very powerfully arranged, making for a very consistent-but-overwrought flow. It's the Jason Stathem Action Movie of protest rock tracklists. I intend to finish it before the week is up, though.

Birthdays are like landings.

I had a nasty backache when I got home yesterday, so I blew off a free screening of Let the Right One In, opting for twelve hours sleep with an airline pillow. It seemed to work. I may use that pillow all the time now.

I'll be attending the fusion-powered variety show Atomic Nerdery tomorrow night. The previous show was top shelf, so I'm looking forward to it. Here are two photos that perfectly capture the experience:


A Gentlemen Rogue displays his panache and PC stats.


It's-a Mario.

Although I can't find any particularly damning post or comment, I remember being very dismissive of an Obama presidency back in 2004. That mindset has me eating crow today. Sweet, tasty crow...

I received an email from moveon.org today warning me about people who might forget or not get the chance to vote in the upcoming election. It suggested I remind them with this helpful and humourous video.

(If I did it right, you will see me outed as the deciding non-vote. Illinois is a swing state. Who knew?)

I think video is a terrible idea; it's the worst ad I've ever seen from moveon.org . Rather than educate or encourage voters, this video actually shames them. Worse, it shames them for something they haven't done YET. It's condescending and accusatory, two words that do not befit progressive politics.

I don't think I give my circle of friends too much credit when I say that they don't need to be reminded to vote for their next president. Moveon.org shouldn't treat their mailing list like children. Any actual children receiving emails from moveon can't vote, anyway.

So one of the many things I've neglected to mention in my sporadic entries is that my brother and his wife had a baby, Eric.

Because both his parents work, the rest of the family babysits him. When all other avenues are exhausted, I am drafted into this service. Today I had him for the entire day, which was a first.

( Here is a partial transcription of our day together. )

P.S. I don't think "lain" is a proper conjugation, but I might be wrong about this.

There is a tiny caterpillar at my desk. He is bright green and approximately a quarter-inch long, about as long as the dash in that word (in ten point type). I discovered him crawling up my forearm. I guess he fell on me when I was walking to work, since I can't imagine him actually making it inside on his own. he's been working his way around the same sheet of paper for forty minutes now.

I named him Jello Shot.

I spent the weekend in Boomtown, a decommissioned military base turned independent callithumpacy that sits on the Mississippi River. It's run by Drew Witte, noted genius and close friend of monus, and the town threw a party to celebrate Boomtown's new resident, Donald.

All of this is wonderful, and these people know how to party, but I must zero in on what's important. A few years ago, monus and some of his friends bought and old school bus and repurposed it into an RV. Most people would stop there. They added a collapsible sun deck to the roof, which M insists accommodates as many as twenty people. While we did not test that limit, we did prove that you can drive the bus with the sun deck extended. Thus it was rechristened... LANDYACHT.

"But Thomas!" the public cries, "Pics or it didn't happen!" Unfortunately, I had no camera, and there would have been too many naked men in the frame, anyway, but I assure you, gentle reader, it is a sight to behold.

The Onion, August 13th: Obama's Hillbilly Half-Brother Threatening To Derail Campaign

Chicago Sun-Times, August 21st: Obama's half-brother calls a shack home and lives on less than $1 a month

The window between satire and reality is currently eight days.